So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I could fuck to npr.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
