You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Come share oat with me in your robe
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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