what if every blade of grass was a penis?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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