beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
