My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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