i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
