Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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