The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
