Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
