that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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