The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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