your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
