Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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