Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
