so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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