TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And then he peed in my hair
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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