i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
