Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
it glows. i had to have it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
