i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
