I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i think i just lost a toe
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
