i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
