I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Randomize
