i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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