We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
