Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
