So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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