You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
