maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He shit in the fireplace
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
