I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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