i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
