Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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