All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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