we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
