i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
