whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I want a musical about memes.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
