That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
