I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
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