every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
