My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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