i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
