he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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