is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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