Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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