I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
