Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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