The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
