The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
