My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
