saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just tell him i said nine months
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
