Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
