Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Houston, we have a blender
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
