"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
