Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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