i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
