Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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