she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
