She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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