did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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