You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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