Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
