ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
