i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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