thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
