then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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