I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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