Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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