I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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