Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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