Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my being single is dangerous.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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