Pants 0. Shit 1.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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