At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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