im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
