Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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