Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
