In America we eat man semen.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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