if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
