I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
