ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
