Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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