Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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