I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
