you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You've changed since you got that strap on
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize