I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
