moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
