How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
