He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
