Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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