saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize