I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
