i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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