Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
