I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
