i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize